For those of you who haven't had the benefit (or torture) or endless hours of online research into this process we're so eager to embark on, I'll try to answer questions that you may have. These are questions we've been asked or mistaken assumptions we've encountered. Hopefully they'll leave you more informed and maybe even inspired as you follow our journey.
Q: You must be adopting a girl, since there aren't any boys available to adopt in China.
A: We are open to either a boy or a girl. I was surprised to learn that while "healthy" children available for adoption are primarily girls, there are both boys and girls in the special needs program. Because most couples are only open to adopting a girl (don't ask me why - I can't figure that one out), there are often more boys available than girls. So we're looking forward to being surprised by either a son or a daughter.
Q: Define "special needs."
A: China has a bizarre unique definition of what "special needs" are. Most children in their program have mild, even correctable special needs - common examples are cleft lip/palate, heart condition, extra or missing digits (fingers/toes), Hep B carrier, etc. Some of these conditions are corrected while the child is in China, but they will still be considered to have "special needs." At this point, we feel open to adopting a child with any of these minor needs. With 2 youngish kids at home, and the knowledge that an adopted child will also likely experience some developmental delays, attachment issues, etc. we want to make sure we can be adequately prepared and invested in helping our child meet their full potential.
Q: Why China?
A: I researched every country possible. Many countries were automatically ruled out because we didn't meet requirements such as age, or # of children in the home. We ruled out other countries who required extensive stays in-country, had a reputation for "sketchy" processes, or who only had older children available. Once we had dramatically narrowed down the countries who were open (so many of them are not), we were drawn to China for a few reasons. One reason was their relatively stable process - China has been a popular country to adopt from for many years, and they seem to have a pretty streamlined system. Any international adoption has its risks and hiccups, but China seemed like a fairly reliable option. Another reason was their waiting child program. We weren't hoping for a healthy baby and then settled on their special needs program - we chose them for their special needs program. There are something like 2000 children in China who are paper-ready and looking for a home. These children have been abandoned and will live out their lives in orphanages if a family is not found for them. I find that truth to be unbearable. So China it is.
Q: Isn't it expensive?
A: Yes - something like $30,000. The home study alone will cost $2500. And while I normally fret and stress about finances, in this situation I am totally at peace. I know that God has called us to adopt, as part of His plan for His child, and He will provide. So right now we have an aggressive savings plan, we'll apply for grants, Matt is taking on some additional part-time techy contract work (that's my best description, because I'm not tech-savvy enough to remember the correct terms for his work), and I'm putting in some extra hours of work and researching fundraising options. We've been encouraged by several couples who have adopted and who have assured us that God provided the funds as they were needed.
Q: What do the girls think?
A: They are excited - over the moon, can't wait to meet my brother or sister, put me on a plane to China excited. Sometimes they express concern about how it will affect them - Isabel wants to know if she'll get enough Mom/Dad time and Sofi is worried Isabel will spend more time with the baby than her. But they've been telling everyone who will listen that they're adopting a baby from China and they're so proud. On Thursday we went to see Sofi in her class production of The Mitten and we brought Audrey (a 2 year old who is with us through Safe Families) with us. After the play, she turned to her friends and said - "this isn't our adoption kid. She's from Safe Families!" She was so very excited. We of course were mortified ;) So we reassure them that we'll all be busier but we'll have to make special time for each individual family member. We've had the privilege of being a Safe Family for the past year or so, and so the girls have gotten used to having an extra little one around the house and they are amazing big sisters. They are hoping to come with us when we go to China, and as long as we can raise the funds and convince Grandma to tag along, we'd love to bring them!
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| practicing our "big sister" skills with Audrey |
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