Usually we set up our Christmas decoration the weekend before Thanksgiving. We're usually out of town for Thanksgiving and I like to have the halls decked by the 1st of December. It's a lot of work, all the tree trimming and light stringing and if I'm going to hang those stockings by the fireplace with care, I'm going to enjoy it for a few weeks, gosh darn it! But this year was different. Instead of spending the pre-Thanksgiving weekend tinseling our home, we were trying to make the most out of our last few days with Audrey.
And then she was gone.
So we pulled out the Christmas boxes from the garage. Boxes filled with ornaments and garland and bows. While the girls were busy, I looked for the box with the stockings. I had forgotten there were 6 of them. Last year I took Audrey out to pick out her very own stocking. Her very first stocking. She was so excited, giggling and bouncing up and down. The one she picked was red velvet with colorful jingle bells.
Matt and I have matching stockings that a friend bought us in college. Isabel and Sofi have matching Pooh and Tigger stockings we bought at Disney World when Sofi was a baby. I had completely forgotten that I didn't want Audrey to feel left out and since we were pregnant at the time, I bought 2 more matching stockings. One for her and one for the baby. I had forgotten until I opened the box and there they were, Audrey's red stocking and Zion's matching green one. It was a silly thing to fall apart over, matching stockings, but there I was, trying to keep it together standing over that box of stockings. I was worried the girls would take one look and lose it, so I tucked the matching stockings into the bottom of the box and moved on.
A couple of hours later, despite my clear instructions, the girls were digging through That Box. The Stocking Box. And before I could stop them they found the stockings. The red and green velvet matching stockings with the colorful jingle bells. I caught my breath as I saw their little faces. What I wanted to do in that moment was say the right thing. The thing that would soothe their hurting hearts. I didn't know what the "right thing" to say was, so instead I believe the Holy Spirit prompted me to ask a question. "What do you want to do with the stocking?" I gave them options - packing it away, hanging it with the rest of our family's stockings, donating it to Goodwill... But this is how they answered:
Let's make it a Jesus stocking! We could hang it and put ideas of things we could do to help others, like donate a toy to Toys for Tots or bake cookies for our neighbors! We could put gifts in there for people who are poor or don't have money for gifts!
Their excitement was overwhelming, their love of serving was humbling. And this mama's heart was just filled with joy. I worry sometimes that we ask too
Matthew 25:40
"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
James 1: 27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..."
Isaiah 58:10 "if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness and your night will become like the noonday."
In a recent sermon, one of our teaching pastor's spoke about how choosing the narrow road will require you to make narrow road choices. I trust God's promises for myself in making these choices, and I lean on verses like this one:
Psalm 46:1-3 (MSG)
"God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake, before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains. Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, GOD-of-Angel-Armies protects us."
Do I hurt? Yes. Do I struggle? Absolutely! Do I get frustrated, impatient, weary? Every day. But I trust, because God's Word is true and because I can look back over the course of my life and see that God has been faithful, so very faithful, and I have no reason to doubt. And yet... for my children, I doubt. Somehow I know that God is big enough to carry me, but I wonder if they are too small to trust God will carry them too, as if God's ability to carry them is dependent on their ability to hold on. I can feel God's strength coursing like life through my own veins, but doubt that they will have enough faith to lean on that strength as well.
And then my girls stand in front of me, holding a stocking with excited grins on their faces and put me to shame.
A few weeks later, we were in downtown Chicago with the kids, where we treated them to a special day that included lunch at the Walnut Room, a visit with Santa, a trek to a special donut shop. And the one thing that Isabel kept insisting that we do before we left: put money in the Salvation Army bucket. She pestered me the whole day, nearly panicked that we would forget. It was the sweetest thing seeing her deposit her handful of coins in the bucket, change clinking and bell ringing and heart glowing. Sometimes when we set out to follow Christ's calling, our children catch on even better than we do.
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| the next day? Bright and sun-shining. |
I've been working on this post for a few weeks, and my fear is that I will come across the wrong way. Holier than thou, pious, super-spiritual - these are things I don't want to be. I feel a bit like Peter sometimes, who fearfully denied Christ on Good Friday and then a few weeks later stood proclaiming the Gospel to a crowd of thousands. While I've never outright denied Christ or preached to the masses, I do find myself turning a deaf ear to His voice when I am fear-filled and boldly standing for Him when I am Spirit-filled. Of course I am always Spirit-filled in the sense that I have His Spirit living inside of me. But when I am living outside of the comfort zone, I live Spirit-filled - as I find myself empty of my own strength and full of God's. And more often than I care to admit I fail at this. A few days before Audrey left my phone rang and the number on the screen was from Safe Families. Do you know what I did? I froze. I froze so long that by the time I breathed a prayer and answered that call in trembling faith, the caller had hung up. And I didn't call back. Because I was afraid they'd ask me to help and even more afraid that I'd say yes. I had really good reasons to not answer that call. I was hurting, empty, and I had done enough. Enough by my own standards. But what I have come to know is that when we are doing "enough" by our own standards is exactly when we are ready for God to enable us to do more. When I've been up late with the baby and my kids are bickering and I'VE. HAD. ENOUGH! This is when I need to lean on Emmanuel, God with us, to be my strength, so I can parent with love and patience and grace. When the stress of uncontrollable life circumstances leaves me hopeless and worry-filled until I've had enough. This is when I need to trust in my God who is Mighty to Save and walk in faith that is sustained by His Spirit. Plate full? Give it to God and see what He puts on it. Hands worn? Give them to God and see what He shapes them to carry. If you have had enough, are doing enough, feel like your life is enough, then open your Bible and ask God to help you live its Words beyond enough
Does Scripture seem sometimes to be dry and dusty? Do you scroll through its pages and struggle to connect with its promises? Do you hear people speak of its treasures and wonder what your missing? When someone talks of God's Word as if it's an intimate letter, a captivating story, a life-breathing, powerful message, do you find yourself scratching your head instead of exclaiming "I know exactly what you mean!" Do you WANT to know exactly what they mean? When you read your child the story of Noah or Abraham or Moses, when you pull out your Nativity with its baby Jesus lying in the manger, when you sing Jesus Loves Me by their bedside, do you hope that those stories shape their hearts and anchor their souls?
Step out. Out of the comfort zone. Out of the place where you are able to read Scripture without needing it. Out of the place where you are able to follow Christ in your own strength. Out of the place where obedience is more about NOT doing the simple things you "shouldn't" and less about doing the hard things you should. Step out just far enough that it will require God's sustaining grace to catch you and carry you through. Serve sacrificially. Give generously. Love lavishly. And don't just do it alone, do it with your children at your side, learning and growing and living God's Word together.
It's New Year's Resolution time... why not resolve to step out and see what can happen?
