Isabel's Story

So I shared in a recent post that I was going to have Isabel tell her story of how God spoke to her before her surgery, so here it is!  I was so excited to sit down and write this with her (she dictated while I typed).  She started out by explaining to me how stories needed an introduction and a main idea and a conclusion... future writer perhaps???  But no matter how many times I hear her tell this story, it always fills my heart to overflowing.  I know that God speaks, I have heard that still, small voice countless times throughout my life.  And I know that God's love is deep and wide and is full of mysteries I will never fathom in this lifetime.  I do my best with God's help to put my kids, as Michelle Anthony (author of Spiritual Parenting) "on the path of the divine" - to walk with them on a journey that continually moves us deeper into a relationship with Jesus.  And yet nothing compares to those moments when your child reaches milestones in their faith journey, then shares those moments with you.  Suddenly they become the teacher and you become the student.  I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that loves me, but I am profoundly comforted by the way He loves my children.  So without further ado, here is her story...

Isabel about a week before surgery -
this little girl was sick and miserable!

One day I found out that I was having surgery.  I got really, really, really scared.  I wasn’t trusting in God, I only thought the doctors could help me.  But I felt the Holy Spirit touching me – I don’t know how to explain it, I couldn’t hear Him but I felt His words.  Then He said “I am the Son of God, trust me.”  I still wouldn’t believe Him.  He kept telling me the same words over and over again.  When that happened, I felt weird inside, like I haven’t felt before.  There was a little tingling feeling the 4^th time God told me to listen to Him, to trust Him.  I knew God was talking to me but I didn’t trust Him so I was nervous about the surgery.  I wasn’t eating that much because my throat hurt (she had strep) and everything was just hurting really bad, I didn’t know what it was.  

Feeling much better at the American
Girl Doll Store!

But then we were going to the American Girl doll store and when we were going my Grandpa took a wrong turn.  We passed by the hospital that I was going to for my surgery, which was Children’s Memorial.  Finally when we passed by that I said in my head, “Oh yeah I know that is God” and then I trusted Him.  And then I wasn’t scared at all!

Before I trusted God I felt terrible.  After the surgery, I felt like a new person because I just felt stronger because I listened to God.  It felt good that a lot of people were praying and it made a big difference.  When they prayed and when I trusted, the doctors were testing for Cancer.  But then I heard the news and I was so excited that I didn’t have Cancer!!!  I learned that I need to trust God!    

               

 


These last two pictures were taken at the hospital before Isabel's surgery.  Isabel is a nervous and anxious kid by nature - she suffers from anxiety related chronic stomach pain (which is a fancy way of saying she gets anxious often and then her tummy hurts) and has seen specialists for the pain and even a counselor .  So to see her so at peace and even cheerful before her surgery was nothing short of a miracle.  There was a marked difference in her from before that day we "accidentally" drove by the hospital and after.  It was weeks after her surgery that we finally realized why.

Here is what I learned, and what I reaffirmed with my daughter:  God loves her so much that He will speak to her, and even when she is filled with doubt, He will go before and behind her and will press after her until she realizes how much she is loved.  Too often we feel that we're not good enough - that God can't use us, love us, reach us.  That if we make a mistake or miss God's voice or heaven forbid flat out ignore it, God will punish or turn away or let us go.  But God says "trust me."  And when we ignore or argue or doubt, He repeats: "trust me."  Until finally we can't fight or argue any more.


What is God trying to speak into your life?  Your kids' lives?  If you aren't sure of the answer, take a beat and listen.  Encourage your kids to listen.  Open God's Word, take a quiet moment and pray, and wait expectantly for God to speak.  And know that God speaks to His children, and when we are too stubborn to listen, He speaks again.  Just like He spoke to Isabel.  

(How's that for a conclusion?)

5 Year Plans... and other things I don't believe in

A few days ago, Matt and I were driving in the car and he asks, "What would be the title of your autobiography?"  As if my life is so interesting that I could write an entire book about it.  Of course, he has several ideas for his own autobiography and then we start discussing my own fictional version.  A book that I have always joked that we should write together would be called Things I Never Thought I'd Say... And Then I Had Kids.  Some of the chapters would include: "We wear pants in this family!!!"  And "Actually the thing you hang your coat on is a hook, not a hooker."  HA!  I still laugh whenever I think of that story :)  Then Matt suggested 5 Year Plans... and other things I don't believe in.  Which is perfect.  If ever my life became interesting enough to write a book about, that would be the title.  It's completely ironic, and I will tell you why.

I am all about plans.  I love them.  Lesson plans, vacation plans, holiday plans, and yes, 5 year plans.  Even 10 year plans.  In fact, why stop there, we have so many years ahead of us that I could plan!!!  One of my favorite verses in High School was Jeremiah 29:11 which begins, "For I know the plans I have for you..."  Ahhh, even God loves plans.  Right now I'm planning a little getaway for Matt and I at the end of the month and I have spent hours, literally hours, on travel websites searching for the perfect hotels, restaurants, and activities.  I get so excited when I find the best deal possible and the perfect plan for the perfect trip.  I could go on but I think you get the point.  I am always saying that whenever I make a plan, God laughs.  Here's what I've decided: God let us know in middle school that we would spend the rest of our lives together (true story); so He figures after that kind of a heads up, He can pretty much hand us a mystery package with a major life change and shout "Surprise!" whenever He wants.   I have no theological support or Scriptural backing for that statement so you can take it or leave it ;)  However, it seems to be a pattern throughout our marriage that whenever we sit back, survey the life that we are blessed with, and give it the "5 year plan" stamp of approval, God pulls out the piece in the middle and it all falls over like a tower of Jenga blocks.  Before you think that I am blaming God for ruining my life, let me finish. After our tower falls down around us, we are always amazed at how God picks up the building blocks of our lives and puts them together into something we couldn't have dreamed up on our own.  For example, just over a year ago Matt and I had a conversation like so many before it.  We looked at our lives - Matt was working in Kids World and was running or starting some other ministry adventures on the side (if you don't know this about Matt he loves to work and he loves to start things.  Some men play golf to relax, Matt starts a new side job.  It's how he rolls).  I was enjoying my life as a preschool teacher, we were volunteering as a Safe Family and planning to have another baby.  We had calculated how much space we had and how long we could live in this home before we needed to move.  And as we looked at each other and our life, we decided it was good.  Things were perfect just the way they were.  5 year plan approved.  

Then Matt got this voicemail late one night from his boss' boss.  It was non-urgent but important so he should check in the next day.  At which point we spent the rest of the evening panicked and scrambling our brains to figure out what on earth that phone call was about.  I'll never forget Matt coming home and sitting down to tell me that he had been asked if he would be interested in being the campus pastor at Bartlett.  You want to know my reaction?  I laughed.  Out loud.  Then I laughed some more.  Not in a blasphemous or Abraham and Sarah kind of a way, but in a "there goes the Jenga blocks again" kind of way.  I should have known better - the 5 year plan was the clincher, it always is.  As we went through rounds of interviews and were continually asked how we felt about the changes that this new venture would bring I just smiled.  This wasn't the first time our lives were upended and I know it won't be the last - but the thing I have always learned is that no matter how scrambled our plans get, God always something better.    

This picture of Sofi was taken about 10 months after our 5
year plan was amended to state "wait 3 years to have baby #2."
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson then...

I wasn't always so flexible, I can assure you.  When we first moved here from Madison 5 and a half years ago, I struggled with the change.  And I confess that I did more than my fair share of pouting of our ruined 5 year plan.  It took me several months to not just see but acknowledge God's hand in our lives and finally confess that His plan was so much better than my own.  When you look back at wasted weeks and months spent fighting God instead of trusting Him, you have two choices.  Ok, you probably have several choices but here's what I came up with.  I could beat myself up and spend more time feeling sorry for myself or guilty for my poor decisions.  Or I could learn from my mistakes, enjoy the life that God had blessed me with, and make a decision to trust God next time.  Because there is always a next time.  There is a concept in teaching called scaffolding, and the basic idea is to introduce a skill, then help the student practice the skill, then eventually stand back and watch the student use the skill independently.  The point is that you work with and support the student as they move towards mastery, proving plenty of practice but less and less assistance as they become more confident.  In a way, God does this with us all of the time.  We learn a concept - either we read it in scripture or from a message at church or sometimes God speaks it to us more directly.  Then we put it into practice, with God's constant support until we become more and more confident in what He has taught us.  I have grown up in church, so I have always known that God has a plan for my life and that I should trust Him with that plan.  But as I began to put that into practice, I found it was a lot harder to do than say.  Philippians 1:6 says that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  God is a God of second chances - the whole of scripture attests to this.  From the moment man sinned, God put into motion a plan that would redeem him and restore the relationship between God and His creation.  Now life is a lot easier when we master the lesson quickly, but when we don't, when we struggle or even fail, God doesn't close the book, end the lesson and mark a giant red "F" on our lives.  He continues to teach, offer practice, provide support, and if we will as Paul writes "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14), we will with Christ succeed.   In Romans 8, we learn that God works all things for our good (v28) and that nothing can separate us from God's love (35-30) - not even our own shortcomings.  Verse 37 says that "We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us (emphasis mine).  

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  If you are continually facing the same type of problems or trials in your life (like angst over a continually wrecked 5 year plan), ask yourself if it is possible that God is trying to teach you a lesson that you just won't learn.  If the answer is yes (and it might not be), then learn the lesson already and get on with your life!  Yes, at times I have failed in learning these lessons myself, and God has been faithful to give me plenty of practice, always teaching, supporting, moving me closer to the person He has created me to be.  And I certainly haven't mastered the concept; at times God has to come alongside of me and carry me through a time when I am struggling to trust His plan.  But I have found myself at times anticipating the winds of change and looking forward to what God is going to do in my life.  

So when Matt asked me the other day where I thought we'd be in 5 years, I answered "I have no idea." Oh I have plans, lots of plans, but I know that God's plans may be different and I am unshaken in my belief that they are better.  I am in a place right now where I feel that things are good, but I also have the sense that things are about to change.  There is so much up in the air with our lives right now - we're thinking of moving (not leaving the area, just moving homes), we have no idea what will happen with our 3 year old (they keep telling us her case will probably take years; apparently they don't believe in 5 year plans either), and those 2 things alone leave a lot of loose ends.  But God knows the plan.  Jeremiah 29:11 continues and states that God's plans are "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  God is speaking this verse to His people who are in exile.  They had turned from Him and had faced the natural consequences of a life spent making your own life plan and ignoring God's.  But the words He spoke to them were "hope" and future."  Yes, they experienced a season of pain, but true to His Word and His character, God rescued and redeemed and restored the relationship.  

Tomorrow we celebrate the 1 year anniversary of the Bartlett Campus.  It's hard to imagine how different our lives would be if God didn't work beyond the scope of our 5 year plan.  We are blessed and so grateful for the changes He has brought to our life.  So I sit hear at my computer and boldly declare "I don't believe in 5 year plans."  And the Noel from 10 years ago would have had a panic attack before making such a declaration so I am making progress!

This picture was taken a year ago at Super Second Saturday, when all 4 CCC
campuses raked leaves throughout neighborhoods in Bartlett.   Hard to believe
it's been a year!  We've come so far and have loved every minute of it!

What's in your 5 year plan?  Have you left room for the plan that God has for you?