I’ll never forget a discussion Matt and I had while he was
in grad school. He asked, “Do
you know what the greatest predictor of faith that transfers into adulthood is?” In simpler terms, he was asking what
the one thing is that takes your kid from toddlerhood where he answers “Jesus”
to every question in Sunday School to having a faith that prompts them to
CHOOSE to continue attending Church, believing in Jesus, and having a growing
relationship with God as an adult.
Any guesses? No
cheating and reading ahead. What
do you think that one thing is? I
remember thinking things like “reading the Bible every day” or “memorizing lots
of Scripture” or “going to church every week.” These are good things.
Important things even. But
these things are not THE thing.
The greatest predictor, the thing that most guarantees your
child will take that faith that you are passing on and run with it (according to a book he had read, called Passing on the Faith), is this:
Casual conversations about God.
Seems simple right?
I found this information to be both freeing and a bit
uncomfortable. I knew how to sit
and read a Bible story with my kids, despite the fact that I was horrible at
doing it consistently. I knew how
to say bedtime and mealtime prayers and practice verses they were learning at
church. But somehow, despite the
fact that I know my relationship with God permeates every corner of my life, it
felt unnatural to have it flow naturally into the midst of my conversations
with my kids. I struggled to bring
up Scripture in conversation without sounding preachy. As in, “stop hitting your sister
because Jesus said you have to love her!”
Or “God can see you RIGHT NOW and hear your thoughts so if you’re lying
HE KNOWS!!!” And so I faced this
challenge of incorporating casual conversations about God into our home without
making Him seem like some sort of Holy Elf on the Shelf.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (MSG) says:
Write these
commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them
inside your children. Talk about
them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about
them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at
night. Tie them on your hands and
foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on
your city gates.”
This verse comes immediately after God gives the Israelites
the 10 Commandments and then instructs them to “love the Lord your God with all
your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (V5) God gives His people His laws, and then
instructs them to take those laws and not only read them to their children, but
talk about them all the time and everywhere. Casual conversations.
These laws defined the people of God and made possible a relationship
with Him. They brought blessings
in times of obedience and suffering in times of rebellion. Thousands of years later, after Jesus
split time and brought redemption and fulfilled the law, God’s Word is still
defining us as Christ followers and helping us grow in a relationship with
God. So how does this verse from
Deuteronomy apply today?
Once our own faith is established and growing (write these commandments…on your hearts; Get
them inside of you…”) It’s time to roll up our sleeves and “get them inside your (our) children.” And how do we do this? Well according to Deuteronomy, we just start talking about
them. We start “from the time we
get up” until we “fall into bed at night.” (See, even Biblical parents were completely exhausted. Well-rested people don’t fall into
bed.) This felt awkward to me at
first, but I’ve learned that if God says something, I should just do it and it
will all work out somehow. So I
invited the Holy Spirit into my conversations and over time I have been so
amazed at how He will lead those conversations in ways that are completely
natural and utterly miraculous at the same time. What once started awkwardly, now happens organically. The Bible itself tells us that, “God’s
Word is living and active.” It’s
not this stale book that we open, read, and put back down until later. We read God's Word, our spirit absorbs it, and
God’s Spirit brings it to remembrance when we need it. I’m not great at memorizing things, and
I’m even worse at recalling them later.
But as my girls and I sit in the middle of a difficult conversation and
we discuss what God has to say about it, I kid you not: I will remember just
the right verse at just the right time.
It will flow out of my mouth way faster than my brain could have thought
of it. Especially my
sleep-deprived brain. (I have a theory
that the number of brain cells lost is directly proportionate to the number of
children in your household. I used
to be highly intelligent. Thank
God I have adorable children).
Here’s what a recent casual conversation looked like at our
house:
Isabel was working on her Awana book, and had to answer the
question: “What does it mean to trust Christ as your savior?” She was learning about being a new
creation, and her answer was that Jesus died so she could try harder and work
harder to be like Him. This lead
to a great discussion with my Type A. perfectionist daughter about God’s grace,
and faith versus works. We looked
at John 3:16, and how God says that whoever “believes in Him” will “have
everlasting life.” We talked about
how when she is being obedient, she is not more my daughter than when she is
fighting with her sister. A few
days later we revisited the conversation and compared how she will express how
she wants to look like Mom or how she will quote movies like Dad – she doesn’t
want to be like us because she has to, but because she loves and looks up to us
(for now!). So the closer we are
to Jesus, the more we will WANT to be more like Him. It was a simple conversation. I wasn’t the expert giving her the answers, and it took a
few days for me to pray and ponder and listen to what the Holy Spirit was
trying to teach her. But I hope
that it resulted in her TRULY understanding what it means to trust Christ as
her Savior.
Casual conversations have looked like this in our house:
- At bedtime we cuddle with Zion and sing worship songs or
songs like Jesus Loves Me
- During playtime we have “Bible” board books around for
Zion to play with
- After one of the girls has a nightmare, we pray and ask
God to keep us safe and help us to have good dreams. Then we recite a verse like “Do not fear for I am with you”
and thank God for being RIGHT HERE with us
-Driving to school, one of the girls mentions a “friend
problem” and we discuss how Jesus responded to people who treated Him poorly
-During “clean up time” my easily-overwhelmed-by-messes child
becomes frustrated and we recite the verse “I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me.”
-At dinner we celebrate a good grade and talk about how God
wants us to use the gifts He’s given us to help others. Which leads to a discussion on how this
gift can be used specifically to help someone.
- While on vacation, we are out taking a walk and enjoying
family time and beautiful scenery and we spend a few moments taking turns
thanking God out loud for favorite moments during our trip.
- After church we ask not just what story did you hear in
Kids World today, but what did you learn about God from that part of His
story? (When the girls were little
we guided that conversation more.
Jonah was swallowed by a whale?
Why? Do you ever feel like
Jonah and want to disobey? Did God
leave Jonah or help him?
Why? What does God do when
you say you’re sorry?)
- When a child we welcomed into our home transitions out, we
share favorite memories then we open God’s Word, review what it says about
taking care of orphans and the fatherless and the oppressed, and pray a
blessing on that child.
In order to have these casual conversations about God, you
don’t have to be an expert or know dozens of Bible verses. But you do have to be growing in your
faith and part of that is spending time in God’s Word. We need to read and remember God’s Word
so we have an accurate picture of who this God is that we are in relationship
with. Have you ever had a
conversation with someone where they start talking about how they “feel God is
like this” or “can’t imagine God doing that.” We’re all guilty of this from time to time, taking our view
of God and talking about it as if it defines Him. God is who He says He is. No more and no less.
And if we want to get to know Him better, we’re going to have to read
and study and think about what He has told us about Himself. Sitting down with your Bible is a great place to start. Praying and asking the Holy Spirit to
bring those words to remembrance is a great next step. When I was a little girl, my mom had
this piece of art that always hung in a hallway. It had a rough wood frame and a dozen
or so pages with verses typed out on thick pieces of paper that looked old and
worn. I remember her changing
those verses every week or month (I’m sure she had an organized system), and
watching to see what the new verse would be. We’d read the verse together and then see it every time we
passed through that hall. Having visual
reminders helps us to focus throughout the day on what we have learned. For some people, this looks like sticky
notes on their bathroom mirror reminding them of a verse they are memorizing or
that God highlighted while they were reading the Bible. For others, it looks like a plaque hung
in a special place that serves as a reminder of their families’ mission and
purpose. I think this is what Deuteronomy
is talking about when it says to inscribe God’s Law on doorposts and city
gates. Put them up where you’ll
see them and be reminded of them every day.
In our home we have a couple of places where God’s Word is
inscribed as a reminder. The first
we call our “Identity Wall.” It is
a wall with each of our children’s picture – above their picture is the verse
that we chose for them before they were born. 
Below it is their name and what their name means. We send them to look at that wall when
we feel that they are straying from or struggling with their identity. They love copying their verses and
asking us to tell the story of when we chose them.
The second place is our “Journal Station.” It’s an old desk with a couple of Bibles on the shelf and a journal for each of our girls. They have suggestions for journaling that are simply meant to prompt them to read God’s Word and allow the Holy Spirit to work that Word into their hearts. Above the desk is the verse they are learning in church that month. Journaling is part of their homeschool day and they
So what do casual conversations about God look like in your
house?
If you're not having those conversations yet, pray that God will provide clear opportunities for you to begin those conversations in your home.
How will the Holy Spirit guide those conversations to shape your children’s hearts this week?
