Why We Run

Dear Isabel and Sofi,
It's been almost a year since I started running.  3 times a week for the past nine months I've literally hit the ground running, and there's so much that I've learned, so much that I want to share with you.  When I started lacing up my shoes last March, I noticed you.  Watching, studying, eyes on me.  I'd head out the front door, and sometimes you'd ask to come with me, and other times when the wind blew cold and my legs ached, you'd ask: "Why do you run, Mom?"  I had a lot of time to think about my answer, as my weary feet tread miles stretched over days and weeks and months.  I thought about why I run and this is what I learned:

I was 29 the first time I ran a mile.  For nearly three decades, I believed that I couldn't last the 5,280 feet from point A to point B, and I was too embarrassed to try and fail.  And then one day, I put in my headphones and slipped on my running shoes and just did it.  Ran a mile, without stopping.  And that feeling, at the end, of pushing through your own self-doubt and doing something you'd never done...this is why I run.  After your brother was born, my body felt the impact of carrying and sustaining life - there is nothing more amazing than this feeling, but at the end of it all, your body just feels drained.  And then we lost Audrey and while I clung to God who was gracious and good, my soul just felt drained.  I needed to feel strong again, and strength often comes from pushing yourself to do something you never thought you could do.  This gift of strength found in pushing the limits, this is why I run.  As winter dragged well into spring, my feet pounded the pavement, and the feeling of sunshine on my face and cold air pushing in and out of my lungs pushed me forward.  I set a goal of running a 5k, which some people can do without training, but I knew that this goal would take work and even though it was a little scary, I was determined to see it through.  I began to see my body as a gift - instead of judging its flaws in the mirror, I appreciated its ability to hit a wall and then push right through.  While I started with the hopes that my body would change, I found that the greater joy was in my perspective changing.  This is why I run.  And I began to recognize that like all gifts God entrusts to us, my body is something that I am meant to steward - to care for and strengthen and use.  Stronger arms can better carry your baby brother, stronger legs can better chase after you, greater endurance can better sustain me through long days of parenting and working and yes, running.  So to build stronger arms and legs and endurance, this is why I run.  Running gave me a greater appreciation for the words in Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us."  Perseverance found on a quiet road will carry over to perseverance needed in a troubled soul, and this is why I run.  

Sometimes you would ask to join me, and I'd bring you along and this thing of running together, planted an idea in the back of my mind.  You kept watching and I kept running and I made my goal and ran that 5k, with your sweet faces cheering me on.  You watching me - making goals, facing obstacles, overcoming obstacles, meeting goals, this is why I run.

Then came fall, and I had thought about this thing of you watching me, and sometimes running alongside of me and asking me why I run.  And instead of telling you, I wanted to show you.  So this time it was your turn to lace up your running shoes and pound the pavement - not alone, but together, all of us, a team of would-be runners.  In the beginning, it was easy.  Voices chattering, giggling, carried on an Indian Summer breeze.  Three times a week we started running together, enjoying each others' company, and my heart, joy-filled, thought this is why we run.  As we starting running farther and longer, it got harder and some days you struggled.  There were days that the tears fell as your feet dragged, but you pushed through and felt stronger at the end, and this is why we run.  There were other days that you cheered each other on, sisters, teammates, side by side.  One would fall behind and the other would fall back, with quiet words of encouragement.  "I think this running thing is bringing us along in our relationship," you told me.  And yes, this is why we run.  Sometimes your dad and I pushed you forward... "pick up the pace...you can do this... you're lighter than air!"  Sometimes your brother joined in, cozy in his stroller yelling, "Go, Bel-bel, go!  Run!!!"  He loved to watch you run.  And sometimes it was you, running and skipping, fingers brushing the fall leaves turning in the trees, cheerful voice singing with joy; yes, sometimes it was YOU that kept ME going.  This is why we run, to know that we are a team always and forever, cheering each other on, encouraging each other when we struggle, leading by example.

You're both growing up so fast, and where little girls once saw legs for twirling and bellies for tickling, I see you now, watching yourself in the mirror, measuring yourself up to unrealistic expectations you can't possible attain.  From billboards to commercials, you face a message that you aren't good enough the way you are.  You're already asking if you're too fat or too skinny, and I hate those words because they will haunt your spirit and steal your joy and swallow your confidence whole.  But when you run, skinny or fat won't help you, but STRONG will carry you past the point you thought you could not reach.  And you, YOU are strong, and you are only growing stronger, and as you run, you KNOW this to be true.  You feel it in aching muscles and deep breaths of fresh air and I hope that deep down in the depths of you, you know that this is why we run.  

You both worked so hard, training together, running together, growing together.  I hope you learned lessons great and deep from this experience, but know that I learned as much from you.  We spent 10 weeks together, 3 times a week, running towards a goal you often thought you could not reach.  There were days that I doubted, days I wondered if this was too hard for you, for all of us.  But you proved how strong you are, over and over again.  I was so looking forward to running our race together.  We had a great plan - you'd drive with your grandparents to Oklahoma City, where we'd run our race with aunts and uncles and grandparents together.  We'd fly with your brother (because no one in their right mind would drive that far with a toddler), and we'd all meet up two nights before the race.  Plenty of time to rest up before our run.  And then we got sick.  Fevers and stuffy noses and coughs that rattled in our chests.  And then our flight got cancelled.  There you were, 800 miles away, and instead of worrying you told me, "I knew you'd come up with a plan".  So we got in our car and started driving to you.  We finally reached our hotel at midnight, more than 30 hours after we left our house for the airport.  6 hours before we had to get up and head for the race.  And let me tell you, I had crafted so 

many excuses - good excuses, valid excuses - for why I would not run that race in the morning.  "We can run some and walk some," I told myself.  But then I thought of you, and all those days of training in the sun and the wind and the rain and even the snow.  You kept going and you finished well and now it was my turn.  So we laced up our running shoes one more time TOGETHER.  And we ran that race TOGETHER.  And when we wanted to quit we kept going until that finish line was in our sights.  Hearts pounding in our chests and feet pounding the pavement, you asked, "can we hold hands when we cross the finish line?"  So finish line just feet away, we grabbed hands and as we finished, that look of triumph, of confidence gained over miles, through teamwork and hard work, that is why we ran.

Maybe someday you'll run a marathon.  Maybe you'll trade your running shoes in for dancing shoes or cleats or skis.  But whether you choose to keep running or never run again, you'll always have that experience of running the race and receiving the prize.  You'll always know the joy found in setting a goal, training for that goal, and then reaching that goal.  You'll always remember the feeling of appreciating your body for the gift that it was created to be - muscles and joints and bones working together to carry you across a finish line.  You'll always carry with you the memory of our crazy family, working with each other and FOR each other, through good times and bad.  That is why we ran.  

Pass It On: Serving Together

These two have been serving me breakfast in bed since they were little.
It is usually as inedible as it is adorable.

As I write this, I am considering taking a Safe Families placement.  Well, truth be told, I already know what my answer will be, I'm just having a hard time dialing the number and saying, "yes."  Because here's what I know: there is a huge cost to serving others.  Whether it's serving at church as a nursery volunteer or community group leader; or serving in the community with at-risk youth or people with special needs; or serving at home as I do household tasks or bathe a baby or help with homework.  Serving others costs me, and I don't always see a tangible return on my investment.  Serving drains my energy, messes up my schedule, and sometimes it even empties my wallet.  Right now, I am running on reserves and I don't have what it takes to step up and serve.  I have my own kids and my own problems and my own stuff to get done.

Which is why now is the perfect time to serve.  Now, when I am unable to do this in my own strength, when I must rely completely on God, when I am asked to step out in faith.  And I say yes, knowing that God will strengthen and supply and direct.  I have learned that when I step out in faith, God works in bigger ways than I could imagine.

My experience with serving as a family started as a child.  I didn't grow up as a PK (pastor's kid) per se, but I grew up with my dad as our church's worship leader.  Not just A worship leader but THE ONLY worship leader.  So week after week, my dad ran worship practices and led worship twice on Sunday and spent hours listening to worship music and coordinating volunteers.  He had this awesome briefcase full of Integrity music tapes all neatly organized.  Super cool, I know. By the time I was in middle school, I couldn't wait to join the youth worship team, followed by the adult worship team where I volunteered with my dad and brother and a super cute boy who would grow up and marry me (not necessarily in that order).  Then that super cute boy became a pastor and voila!  My whole life revolved around church ministry.  Confession of a former pastor's

Packing food together at a Feed My Starving Children
event was one of my favorite serving opportunities.
When we were finished, the girls drew pictures and wrote
Bible verses all over the boxes.  Oh my heart.  

wife: ministry is highly inconvenient.  Being a pastor is a lifestyle.  When you're not actually serving, you're thinking about serving or recovering from serving or talking about serving.  It's exhausting... and incredibly fulfilling.  I wouldn't trade our years in ministry for the world, and my girls would tell you the same thing.  They are still mourning the loss of their identity as PKs.  Bless them.  The amazing thing about being a pastor's family is that your whole family serves together.  You have to be all in.  And being all in all together as a family is a great way to pass on your faith.  Because you can talk about spiritual things and read about spiritual things but it is in DOING spiritual things alongside of each other that the baton is truly passed.  Your children cannot take their faith and run with it if you are not already running, alongside of them, putting that faith to work.  

If you flip through the pages of the four Gospels, you will see story after story about serving.  Jesus feeds the 5,000, Jesus heals this person and preaches to that multitude, Jesus calms the storm, washes feet, sacrifices His life.  He gathers the 12, and then sets out to model servanthood, and doesn't stop until It. Is. Finished.  There is a moment in the Gospels, which follows a moment of bickering amongst the disciples, when Jesus turns to those 12 followers and tells them in Matthew 20:26-28, "...whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Jesus did not serve out of convenience and He did not serve in isolation.  Jesus served always and in all things and He did it alongside of 12 bumbling followers who were watching and learning, their faith mustard-seed small growing into something that would fling the Gospel across the 4 corners of the earth.  Sounds a lot like parenting to me.

When we serve, we are simply being good stewards of the gifts that God has given us.  There are times that we look around at our many blessings and realize that we could be better stewards and share those blessings with others.  This is what happened several years ago when we were hit with the realization that our home, our support system of friends and family, and our pantry stocked with food were not OURS but God's, and out of our abundance we felt called to share these blessings with children in crisis - and so began our journey as a Safe Family.  There are other times when, after taking a hard look at what we have been blessed with and how we are sharing those blessings, we realize that we have been stewarding those blessings in ways we haven't even thought about.  I don't think twice about a dinner shared with friends, a meal cooked for a family with a new baby, a play date hosted or a box of outgrown clothes passed on.  These simple acts of service may seem trivial, but they are great opportunities to pause and cultivate a heart of servanthood in our children.  By inviting our children to help in the cleaning or cooking or preparing, and having a casual conversation about how and why we serve, we turn a simple act of service into a faith-building, family serving opportunity.  We have this wall in our house, that we refer to as our "What Needs To Be Done" wall.  It lists the things that need to be done on a board in the middle, and then each family member (Zion excluded) has a board where they choose tasks that need to be done and place them on their board (under "will do") as acts of service that they will complete (then they move it under "done").  It's a chore chart, people.  Except it's not - it's a way of seeing the mundane tasks as opportunities to serve each other.  And it cultivates a heart of serving in each of us.  These are not "Mom's chores" that "everyone else" is being forced to help with.  These are ways we can serve each and every member of our household, and everyone else we welcome through our doors.  

We often (the girls would tell you CONSTANTLY) ask the question:
What Needs to Be Done?

Serving alongside of your children, in ways big and small, is an essential way to pass on your faith.  When you serve together in ways that are far beyond your abilities, you will see God come through in ways that are far beyond your imagination.  And when you start to look for and at simple tasks as acts of service, you have the opportunity to build faith as you pass it on to your children.

Challenges for this week:
1. Take a look at your resources - from your material blessings like your house or your groceries, to your spiritual gifts like your ability to teach or encourage - and ask God to show you how you can better steward what He has given you.
2. Be intentional in the way you include your children in day-to-day acts of service - give them ways to serve alongside of you and have casual, faith building conversations about those opportunities.
3. If you are not currently involved in serving others as a family, look for one thing your family can do in the next few weeks.  Pack a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, buy a few extra groceries and drop them off at your local food pantry, bake cookies for someone who could use some encouragement.  And make a plan to serve together regularly.  

Update: by the time I finished this post, I agreed to host a little girl from Safe Families.  A few days later, they called to say they had found another home for her where she could stay with her sister.  As we talked about it together and with the girls, Matt and I had this strong sense that God was simply asking for our obedience.  For whatever reason, God in His Sovereignty knew that this was not the right time or opportunity.  God promises that He will not give us more than we can handle, and we can trust that as we seek to serve, He will always provide what we need.  So while yes, sometimes the cost is great, when we serve out of obedience, we can trust that God our Provider will pick up the tab.

Passing It On: Create Some Space

So long summer, with your long, sun-filled days stretched out lazy and trailing behind me.  Hello fall, with your busy days rustling and bustling around like dry leaves caught up in a hurried breeze.  Our desk drawers are filled with new school supplies - bright markers in every shade and loose-leaf paper stacked neatly, unwrinkled and waiting for new ideas.  I think that freshly-sharpened pencils smell like busyness, the kind that fills your day with progress and leaves you content to lay your head to rest at night.  (Of course by mid-winter I will be tired of sharpened pencils that smell like weariness as I search for a straggling marker and crumpled up piece of notebook paper.  But today, at the edge of Fall's Beginning, school supplies make me nostalgic.  Just humor me and go with it.)

What I have loved about our summer was the space we filled it with.  Oh, there were pool days and long walks to get ice cream and afternoons at the park.  We did the VBS thing and the vacation thing and all of The Family Things.  But we also made sure that our calendar had more white space then scrawled out events.  We slept in and cooked breakfasts, we snuggled during nap time, we prioritized family dinners and spent time having actual conversations.  Checking in, telling jokes, sharing stories.  It was lovely.  And just when everyone was completely sick of each other it was time for school to start and the calendar started to fill.  It's tempting to schedule out every minute of every day.  I want my girl to experience new things and explore new interests.  I would love to sign them up for sports and gymnastics and theatre and art and swimming.  But if I allow everyone to do everything they want to do, there is no space.  And I have this sneaky suspicion that space, more than anything else, is what my family truly needs.

My girls learn great things from sports and music lessons and hobbies.  I wouldn't trade those lessons for the world.  But it is in the space that we hear God speak, it is in the still and the quiet that we know that He is God.  In our fast paced, multi-tasking, hurried society, we have to create the space. We have to stop the rushing to be still,  and push back the noise to have the quiet.  I have this gut feeling that one of our greatest responsibilities as parents is to create enough margin in our schedule for our kids to have space to stop and hear from and know their God. Because I can strive to pass on my faith, but it is in hearing God's voice that my child's faith becomes truly their own.

This is not easy.  There are so many reasons why, and I know and live all of those reasons, and it is a struggle to not give in to them every day.  At the beginning of our summer, my girls were fighting like you would not believe (and I know some of you do not believe me.  Grandparents and other Witnesses to the Perfect Behavior they only show in public.  But trust me, those sisters can throw down).  I know that it is natural for siblings to fight, and I try my best to let them work it out on their own, but it had moved from petty bickering to cruel and targeted character assassination, and I could see that it was headed towards a broken relationship if left unchecked.  My knee-jerk reaction was to sign them up for All The Things so that I would not have to deal with them they could have a break from each other.  But alas, we finished school two weeks before the start of All The Things and I was stuck with them given the opportunity to work with them through their problems.  So in the space and in the quiet, I desperately asked God for wisdom.  And because I know that His ways are higher and wiser and better than my ways I sent my girls to search for answers in God's word.  I handed them this little booklet full of God's attributes and told them to look up verses that would help them mend their relationship.  

And guys, let me tell you, they came up with some good stuff.  Actually God came up with the good stuff, my girls just had time to find the good stuff.  One of them had written down Titus 2:12, "It teaches us to say "No" to ungodlinness and worldly possessions and to live (they wrote leave - ha!) self controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age."  And we unpacked that verse together.  I opened up my NIV Study Bible (or actually my NIV Study Bible App) and we read the verse and the notes about the verse and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was a truly deep and rewarding experience.  At church, the girls had recently learned Hebrews 11:1 which says that "No discipline
seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." So when we looked at the word "teaches" in Titus 2:12 and saw that it involved the process of training, instruction, encouragement, correction and discipline they totally saw the connection between the verses.  And as we talked through the need for an unpleasant season of discipline as a way to help them say "No" to ungodliness so they could say "yes" to being more like Jesus, their hearts were a little more ready to accept correction and I was a little more ready to offer encouragement.

Over the next several weeks, the girls faced some discipline (we moved them into separate rooms for the summer - don't ask me how girls who fight so nastily can be so heartbroken over sleeping in separate rooms), I offered some training and encouragement (it's amazing how you can find progress when you are looking for it), and a relationship that had fractured was able to heal.  They still bicker, and we still have work to do, but the cruelty that was spewing out from mouths and targeting wounded hearts is gone.  And I truly believe that the turning of the tide was in the moments we found in the space, in the margin, in the still and quiet.  

A few weeks later, the girls had nothing to do (you know, one of those "I'm bored!" moments) and so I sent them to their journal station.  Free time and space and empty paper and this is what they came up with:

  
Guys, they taped these things ALL OVER our house.  And then they walked around all day doing the things and nearly freaking out if I passed a sign and didn't do the thing at the point.  It was simple and funny and beautiful and those signs are still hanging in my house to remind me what can happen in my girls' hearts when I create space for God to work inside of them.  

With school in full swing, we are back to a busier schedule and after a summer full of wide open space, I admit it's nice to be in a routine again.  My fear in writing this is that you will read this and think of "space" and "busyness" as two options to choose between.  But I think it's more of a continuum and while we can try to shoot for the middle, the reality is that we will find ourselves in seasons where we just have to move towards the "busy" end of the continuum.  And there will be other seasons where we will have a choice and we can give ourselves and our families the gift of landing as close as possible to the "space" end of the continuum.  The grave responsiblity of raising and training my children to become more like Jesus tells me that I have to make space and find margin and look for the still and the quiet.  My kids don't "NEED" to play club "this" or be enriched by unique opportunity "that" - they can develop their interests and use their God-given gifts and still have time to just "be."  For us this means no more than one sport/activity at a time, and when we look at our calendar we should see as many blank spaces as filled spaces.  It means we eat dinner together at least 5 nights a week.  At home.  Around the kitchen table.  With real food that is usually healthy.  It means that we attend church on Sunday, every Sunday, because we want our kids to know that spending time in God's house with God's family is the most important thing on our schedule. 

BUT

Grace tells me that occasionally we will have a crazy busy week or stretch of weeks and the "space" may be only a few minutes before bed or in the car or (gasp!) while eating McDonald's in the car before practice/rehearsal/lessons/whatever.  As proof that my life is a battle to find balance along the "busy"/"space" continuum, here is a picture of my month: (YAY!  Lots of SPACE!)

Sofi is our calendar-obsessed child.  She writes out everything on the calendar.  Its hilarious.

And here is a picture of my week.  Ok, this is actually just Isabel's week.  Out of control, I know.  People, I had to highlight where she was going to be, lest she completely forget where she was and where she was going next.  My kids keep asking me where they're to sleep this weekend and I do not even know.  (BOO!  No space)

After this crazy, hectic, busy week that revolves around rehearsals for Sofi, I could feel guilty... but I don't.  She is over the moon about doing this show and it is so beautiful to see a gift that God has placed in her grow and blossom.  I could see that gift and how much it is lighting up her little face and rush out to sign her up for the next round of classes and shows... but I won't.  After this week, we will take a break and enjoy life closer to the "space" end of the continuum for a little while.  And then in a few months, we'll probably go through this cycle all over again.  This is how I find my balance, and I don't know if it's the "right" answer, or if it's just the right answer for me and maybe you have a "right" answer for you.  
What I do know, is that God wants to speak to me and He wants to speak to my children.  And I want nothing more than for us to listen.  So that we can have moments like this... (because seriously, when was the last time you praised God by dancing/singing?)

How do you create space in your schedule?  Do you need more space?  What things can you eliminate or reduce or move to create more space?

   

Passing It On: Faith Community

Isabel at Awana Awards Night -
Her leaders gave her an award for "faith" -
they didn't know this, but God has been speaking
to Isabel about having faith and trusting Him

It’s been almost six months since Audrey left.  In the days leading up to her moving out, Matt was struck with the need to steward the time we would spend in the car after dropping Audrey off in her new home.  We would leave our home with a sister, a daughter, and come back home feeling that loss deeply.  So he reached out to friends and family, asking them to send a voicemail that would help make that drive easier.  When he compiled those voicemails, we had well over an hour of messages. As we drove home, we heard words of encouragement, words of wisdom, words of healing, words that pointed to the Savior that both calls and releases, that sends and sustains.  Those words were life to us in those moments.  They were a healing balm on an open wound.  Matt downloaded those messages to the girls’ ipods and they chose to title them “Faith Community” and I am totally serious when I tell you they listened to those messages every night before they went to bed for weeks.  They still listen to them from time to time when they are missing Audrey.  And my girls learned what it means to have a faith community and to need a faith community.  I can offer my girls words of comfort, but what I can not offer them on my own is a web of people who see their hurt, feel that hurt with them, and point them to the God who heals.  We are so blessed to have parents who have been examples of faith to us, and we value their Godly influence in our children’s lives.  We recognize the reality that we are the first and foremost influence in our children’s lives.  But at times, they rebel against that influence, and we want a fortified line of God-following people acting as a fence to hem them in should they wander.  We are blessed to call many of those people family, but we are also blessed to call some of them friends.  And as our children grow in faith and get older, we will continue to encourage them to find and invest in their own faith community.  We encourage them to build relationships with other kids at church.  That means showing up to church on Sunday, driving them to Awana

Sofi at Awana Awards Night
Her leaders gave her an award for "wisdom" -
not knowing this is what her name means.

on Wednesday, making time for play dates.  We want to send a strong message that participating in a faith community takes effort and is worth every bit of that effort.

Our children have also been on the other end of being a faith community – they have helped us make and drop off meals, shop for people in need, visit a friend who is sick, pray for someone who is hurting.  We want our kids to see that a faith community is a living and acting body of people doing God’s work together.  This is a high priority in our home.  It supercedes sports and activities and weekend outings.  We don’t just attend church.  We belong to a community.  But as important as this value is to me now, I can’t say that it was always the case.        

When the girls were younger, and I was up to my ears in diapers and snotty noses and cries of “Mommy, up!” I rarely left the house, except to go to work.  Confession: I missed church more often than I attended.  I had great reasons; a whole list of valid excuses.  The work involved in getting 2 toddlers out the door by myself, the missed naps, the tantrums, the long drive, the exhaustion that ensued after a busy morning… come Saturday night, I would rehearse these insurmountable odds in my head and I was beat before I started.  The Sundays I did make it out the door, I was often frustrated and flustered.  Our church offered weekday community groups for women, and I remember thinking that it would be wonderful to sit with a group of moms, having grown up conversations and sipping coffee without toddlers grabbing at our ankles.  But again with the long list of valid excuses.  So I never went.  I grew up in church, I have always valued having a place to worship and grow in my faith.  But as a young mom, I didn’t grasp the importance of a faith community. 

What is a faith community, you ask?  It’s a group of people who share your faith.  And so much more.  It’s a lifeline, a support system, a safe place to land.  It’s people who will notice when you are missing, encourage you when you’re struggling, celebrate your victories, grieve your losses.  It’s a place where you serve and encourage and come alongside of others on the same journey.  Where you use those gifts that God planted in you.  I could read my Bible and listen to sermons online and download new worship songs and grow in my faith without ever leaving my home.  But those things I listed?  Those things happen when I haul myself and my trail of children out the door and show up to church.  To community group.  To parenting classes.  It takes work, so much work.  It takes work to schedule and plan and prepare and just get the heck into the minivan.  People, I am not even kidding you.  Getting everyone beautified and making sure every baby need imaginable can be met with the contents of a diaper bag is craziness.  Do you know that I leave for church on Sundays and my community group on Thursdays an HOUR EARLY so Zion can nap in the car?  Because heaven forbid, you drop the world’s happiest baby off in the nursery or with a sitter having skipped his nap.  That sweet baby will certainly turn into a childcare provider’s worst nightmare and I will be called out to come get him.  After all that work to get there.  So we leave an hour early. 

So much work, but aren't they just lovely?
Oh my heart.

It’s not just the physical work of getting there that you will have to push through.  It’s the relational work of putting yourself out there and meeting people and connecting to complete strangers.  It’s like dating all over again, and I did not love dating.  I found a cute boy in middle school and I hung on for dear life until he proposed.  For real.  But if you find yourself someone or a group of someones who will accept you for you and challenge you to be the best version of you, you had better hang on to them.  I tried community groups I didn’t click with and found one that is worth driving a sleeping baby around for an hour just to be apart of.  This group of women prayed me through my pregnancy and responded to every text through my 20 hours of labor.  They took me out for a day in the city after Audrey left when I would have been just as happy to crawl into a hole.  Every one of them has encouraged me with Scripture and inspired me with their faith.  My girls are watching this, seeing that I value this faith community, learning what it means to serve and be served by the body of Christ.  Matt and I strongly believe that this value of faith community is crucial to passing on our faith to our children.  I mentioned in my last post that casual conversations have been called the greatest predictor of faith that will carry on into adulthood.  But belonging to a faith community – worshipping together; serving and being served by other believers – comes in as a close second in our book. 

I can tell you more great stories and compelling anecdotes, but the truth is, we should make faith community a priority because it’s what Scripture instructs us to do.  Hebrews 10:24-25 says,

 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

These instructions come in a group of exhortations which are not a list of “thou shalts,” but rather a response to Christ’s sacrifice that provided a way for us “draw near to God” (v 10).  Jesus gave everything so that we could be a part of God’s family, and as God’s family we are called to come together as an act of worship and a way to encourage each other on in the faith.  This is not just another “requirement;” it is a gift. 

So this is me, spurring you on.  This life is hard, and we are meant to do it together. 

Passing it On: Casual Conversations

I’ll never forget a discussion Matt and I had while he was in grad school.   He asked, “Do you know what the greatest predictor of faith that transfers into adulthood is?”  In simpler terms, he was asking what the one thing is that takes your kid from toddlerhood where he answers “Jesus” to every question in Sunday School to having a faith that prompts them to CHOOSE to continue attending Church, believing in Jesus, and having a growing relationship with God as an adult.   

Any guesses?  No cheating and reading ahead.  What do you think that one thing is?  I remember thinking things like “reading the Bible every day” or “memorizing lots of Scripture” or “going to church every week.”  These are good things.  Important things even.  But these things are not THE thing. 

The greatest predictor, the thing that most guarantees your child will take that faith that you are passing on and run with it (according to a book he had read, called Passing on the Faith), is this:

Casual conversations about God.

Seems simple right?  I found this information to be both freeing and a bit uncomfortable.  I knew how to sit and read a Bible story with my kids, despite the fact that I was horrible at doing it consistently.  I knew how to say bedtime and mealtime prayers and practice verses they were learning at church.  But somehow, despite the fact that I know my relationship with God permeates every corner of my life, it felt unnatural to have it flow naturally into the midst of my conversations with my kids.  I struggled to bring up Scripture in conversation without sounding preachy.  As in, “stop hitting your sister because Jesus said you have to love her!”  Or “God can see you RIGHT NOW and hear your thoughts so if you’re lying HE KNOWS!!!”  And so I faced this challenge of incorporating casual conversations about God into our home without making Him seem like some sort of Holy Elf on the Shelf. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (MSG) says:

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts.  Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.  Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.  Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.”

This verse comes immediately after God gives the Israelites the 10 Commandments and then instructs them to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (V5)  God gives His people His laws, and then instructs them to take those laws and not only read them to their children, but talk about them all the time and everywhere.  Casual conversations.  These laws defined the people of God and made possible a relationship with Him.  They brought blessings in times of obedience and suffering in times of rebellion.  Thousands of years later, after Jesus split time and brought redemption and fulfilled the law, God’s Word is still defining us as Christ followers and helping us grow in a relationship with God.  So how does this verse from Deuteronomy apply today?

Once our own faith is established and growing (write these commandments…on your hearts; Get them inside of you…”) It’s time to roll up our sleeves and “get them inside your (our) children.”  And how do we do this?  Well according to Deuteronomy, we just start talking about them.  We start “from the time we get up” until we “fall into bed at night.”  (See, even Biblical parents were completely exhausted.  Well-rested people don’t fall into bed.)  This felt awkward to me at first, but I’ve learned that if God says something, I should just do it and it will all work out somehow.  So I invited the Holy Spirit into my conversations and over time I have been so amazed at how He will lead those conversations in ways that are completely natural and utterly miraculous at the same time.  What once started awkwardly, now happens organically.  The Bible itself tells us that, “God’s Word is living and active.”  It’s not this stale book that we open, read, and put back down until later.  We read God's Word, our spirit absorbs it, and God’s Spirit brings it to remembrance when we need it.  I’m not great at memorizing things, and I’m even worse at recalling them later.  But as my girls and I sit in the middle of a difficult conversation and we discuss what God has to say about it, I kid you not: I will remember just the right verse at just the right time.  It will flow out of my mouth way faster than my brain could have thought of it.  Especially my sleep-deprived brain.  (I have a theory that the number of brain cells lost is directly proportionate to the number of children in your household.  I used to be highly intelligent.  Thank God I have adorable children). 

Here’s what a recent casual conversation looked like at our house:

Isabel was working on her Awana book, and had to answer the question: “What does it mean to trust Christ as your savior?”  She was learning about being a new creation, and her answer was that Jesus died so she could try harder and work harder to be like Him.  This lead to a great discussion with my Type A. perfectionist daughter about God’s grace, and faith versus works.  We looked at John 3:16, and how God says that whoever “believes in Him” will “have everlasting life.”  We talked about how when she is being obedient, she is not more my daughter than when she is fighting with her sister.  A few days later we revisited the conversation and compared how she will express how she wants to look like Mom or how she will quote movies like Dad – she doesn’t want to be like us because she has to, but because she loves and looks up to us (for now!).  So the closer we are to Jesus, the more we will WANT to be more like Him.  It was a simple conversation.  I wasn’t the expert giving her the answers, and it took a few days for me to pray and ponder and listen to what the Holy Spirit was trying to teach her.  But I hope that it resulted in her TRULY understanding what it means to trust Christ as her Savior. 

 

Casual conversations have looked like this in our house:

- At bedtime we cuddle with Zion and sing worship songs or songs like Jesus Loves Me

- During playtime we have “Bible” board books around for Zion to play with

- After one of the girls has a nightmare, we pray and ask God to keep us safe and help us to have good dreams.  Then we recite a verse like “Do not fear for I am with you” and thank God for being RIGHT HERE with us

-Driving to school, one of the girls mentions a “friend problem” and we discuss how Jesus responded to people who treated Him poorly

-During “clean up time” my easily-overwhelmed-by-messes child becomes frustrated and we recite the verse “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

-At dinner we celebrate a good grade and talk about how God wants us to use the gifts He’s given us to help others.  Which leads to a discussion on how this gift can be used specifically to help someone.

- While on vacation, we are out taking a walk and enjoying family time and beautiful scenery and we spend a few moments taking turns thanking God out loud for favorite moments during our trip.

- After church we ask not just what story did you hear in Kids World today, but what did you learn about God from that part of His story?  (When the girls were little we guided that conversation more.  Jonah was swallowed by a whale?  Why?  Do you ever feel like Jonah and want to disobey?  Did God leave Jonah or help him?   Why?  What does God do when you say you’re sorry?)

- When a child we welcomed into our home transitions out, we share favorite memories then we open God’s Word, review what it says about taking care of orphans and the fatherless and the oppressed, and pray a blessing on that child.

In order to have these casual conversations about God, you don’t have to be an expert or know dozens of Bible verses.  But you do have to be growing in your faith and part of that is spending time in God’s Word.  We need to read and remember God’s Word so we have an accurate picture of who this God is that we are in relationship with.  Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they start talking about how they “feel God is like this” or “can’t imagine God doing that.”  We’re all guilty of this from time to time, taking our view of God and talking about it as if it defines Him.  God is who He says He is.  No more and no less.  And if we want to get to know Him better, we’re going to have to read and study and think about what He has told us about Himself.  Sitting down with your Bible is a great place to start.  Praying and asking the Holy Spirit to bring those words to remembrance is a great next step.  When I was a little girl, my mom had this piece of art that always hung in a hallway.  It had a rough wood frame and a dozen or so pages with verses typed out on thick pieces of paper that looked old and worn.  I remember her changing those verses every week or month (I’m sure she had an organized system), and watching to see what the new verse would be.  We’d read the verse together and then see it every time we passed through that hall.  Having visual reminders helps us to focus throughout the day on what we have learned.  For some people, this looks like sticky notes on their bathroom mirror reminding them of a verse they are memorizing or that God highlighted while they were reading the Bible.  For others, it looks like a plaque hung in a special place that serves as a reminder of their families’ mission and purpose.  I think this is what Deuteronomy is talking about when it says to inscribe God’s Law on doorposts and city gates.  Put them up where you’ll see them and be reminded of them every day.

In our home we have a couple of places where God’s Word is inscribed as a reminder.  The first we call our “Identity Wall.”  It is a wall with each of our children’s picture – above their picture is the verse that we chose for them before they were born.  

Below it is their name and what their name means.  We send them to look at that wall when we feel that they are straying from or struggling with their identity.  They love copying their verses and asking us to tell the story of when we chose them.  

The second place is our “Journal Station.”  It’s an old desk with a couple of Bibles on the shelf and a journal for each of our girls.  They have suggestions for journaling that are simply meant to prompt them to read God’s Word and allow the Holy Spirit to work that Word into their hearts.  Above the desk is the verse they are learning in church that month.  Journaling is part of their homeschool day and they

both love it.  Sometimes they leave the desk and sit on the stairs to copy their verse.  When we notice they are struggling with something – a character issue, a difficult circumstance – we often direct them to the journal station and may suggest a passage from Scripture.  We want our girls to know from the start that God’s Word is where we go when we need help or wisdom or comfort.  We haven’t arrived, but had you told me 4 years ago that my kids would sit at a journal station and write what God is speaking to them in 1 Corinthians 13 I would have told you that you’re crazy.   But I’m telling you, this Holy-Spirit-led obedience to God’s Word totally works. 

So what do casual conversations about God look like in your house?  

If you're not having those conversations yet, pray that God will provide clear opportunities for you to begin those conversations in your home.

How will the Holy Spirit guide those conversations to shape your children’s hearts this week?