Passing It On: Create Some Space

So long summer, with your long, sun-filled days stretched out lazy and trailing behind me.  Hello fall, with your busy days rustling and bustling around like dry leaves caught up in a hurried breeze.  Our desk drawers are filled with new school supplies - bright markers in every shade and loose-leaf paper stacked neatly, unwrinkled and waiting for new ideas.  I think that freshly-sharpened pencils smell like busyness, the kind that fills your day with progress and leaves you content to lay your head to rest at night.  (Of course by mid-winter I will be tired of sharpened pencils that smell like weariness as I search for a straggling marker and crumpled up piece of notebook paper.  But today, at the edge of Fall's Beginning, school supplies make me nostalgic.  Just humor me and go with it.)

What I have loved about our summer was the space we filled it with.  Oh, there were pool days and long walks to get ice cream and afternoons at the park.  We did the VBS thing and the vacation thing and all of The Family Things.  But we also made sure that our calendar had more white space then scrawled out events.  We slept in and cooked breakfasts, we snuggled during nap time, we prioritized family dinners and spent time having actual conversations.  Checking in, telling jokes, sharing stories.  It was lovely.  And just when everyone was completely sick of each other it was time for school to start and the calendar started to fill.  It's tempting to schedule out every minute of every day.  I want my girl to experience new things and explore new interests.  I would love to sign them up for sports and gymnastics and theatre and art and swimming.  But if I allow everyone to do everything they want to do, there is no space.  And I have this sneaky suspicion that space, more than anything else, is what my family truly needs.

My girls learn great things from sports and music lessons and hobbies.  I wouldn't trade those lessons for the world.  But it is in the space that we hear God speak, it is in the still and the quiet that we know that He is God.  In our fast paced, multi-tasking, hurried society, we have to create the space. We have to stop the rushing to be still,  and push back the noise to have the quiet.  I have this gut feeling that one of our greatest responsibilities as parents is to create enough margin in our schedule for our kids to have space to stop and hear from and know their God. Because I can strive to pass on my faith, but it is in hearing God's voice that my child's faith becomes truly their own.

This is not easy.  There are so many reasons why, and I know and live all of those reasons, and it is a struggle to not give in to them every day.  At the beginning of our summer, my girls were fighting like you would not believe (and I know some of you do not believe me.  Grandparents and other Witnesses to the Perfect Behavior they only show in public.  But trust me, those sisters can throw down).  I know that it is natural for siblings to fight, and I try my best to let them work it out on their own, but it had moved from petty bickering to cruel and targeted character assassination, and I could see that it was headed towards a broken relationship if left unchecked.  My knee-jerk reaction was to sign them up for All The Things so that I would not have to deal with them they could have a break from each other.  But alas, we finished school two weeks before the start of All The Things and I was stuck with them given the opportunity to work with them through their problems.  So in the space and in the quiet, I desperately asked God for wisdom.  And because I know that His ways are higher and wiser and better than my ways I sent my girls to search for answers in God's word.  I handed them this little booklet full of God's attributes and told them to look up verses that would help them mend their relationship.  

And guys, let me tell you, they came up with some good stuff.  Actually God came up with the good stuff, my girls just had time to find the good stuff.  One of them had written down Titus 2:12, "It teaches us to say "No" to ungodlinness and worldly possessions and to live (they wrote leave - ha!) self controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age."  And we unpacked that verse together.  I opened up my NIV Study Bible (or actually my NIV Study Bible App) and we read the verse and the notes about the verse and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was a truly deep and rewarding experience.  At church, the girls had recently learned Hebrews 11:1 which says that "No discipline
seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." So when we looked at the word "teaches" in Titus 2:12 and saw that it involved the process of training, instruction, encouragement, correction and discipline they totally saw the connection between the verses.  And as we talked through the need for an unpleasant season of discipline as a way to help them say "No" to ungodliness so they could say "yes" to being more like Jesus, their hearts were a little more ready to accept correction and I was a little more ready to offer encouragement.

Over the next several weeks, the girls faced some discipline (we moved them into separate rooms for the summer - don't ask me how girls who fight so nastily can be so heartbroken over sleeping in separate rooms), I offered some training and encouragement (it's amazing how you can find progress when you are looking for it), and a relationship that had fractured was able to heal.  They still bicker, and we still have work to do, but the cruelty that was spewing out from mouths and targeting wounded hearts is gone.  And I truly believe that the turning of the tide was in the moments we found in the space, in the margin, in the still and quiet.  

A few weeks later, the girls had nothing to do (you know, one of those "I'm bored!" moments) and so I sent them to their journal station.  Free time and space and empty paper and this is what they came up with:

  
Guys, they taped these things ALL OVER our house.  And then they walked around all day doing the things and nearly freaking out if I passed a sign and didn't do the thing at the point.  It was simple and funny and beautiful and those signs are still hanging in my house to remind me what can happen in my girls' hearts when I create space for God to work inside of them.  

With school in full swing, we are back to a busier schedule and after a summer full of wide open space, I admit it's nice to be in a routine again.  My fear in writing this is that you will read this and think of "space" and "busyness" as two options to choose between.  But I think it's more of a continuum and while we can try to shoot for the middle, the reality is that we will find ourselves in seasons where we just have to move towards the "busy" end of the continuum.  And there will be other seasons where we will have a choice and we can give ourselves and our families the gift of landing as close as possible to the "space" end of the continuum.  The grave responsiblity of raising and training my children to become more like Jesus tells me that I have to make space and find margin and look for the still and the quiet.  My kids don't "NEED" to play club "this" or be enriched by unique opportunity "that" - they can develop their interests and use their God-given gifts and still have time to just "be."  For us this means no more than one sport/activity at a time, and when we look at our calendar we should see as many blank spaces as filled spaces.  It means we eat dinner together at least 5 nights a week.  At home.  Around the kitchen table.  With real food that is usually healthy.  It means that we attend church on Sunday, every Sunday, because we want our kids to know that spending time in God's house with God's family is the most important thing on our schedule. 

BUT

Grace tells me that occasionally we will have a crazy busy week or stretch of weeks and the "space" may be only a few minutes before bed or in the car or (gasp!) while eating McDonald's in the car before practice/rehearsal/lessons/whatever.  As proof that my life is a battle to find balance along the "busy"/"space" continuum, here is a picture of my month: (YAY!  Lots of SPACE!)

Sofi is our calendar-obsessed child.  She writes out everything on the calendar.  Its hilarious.

And here is a picture of my week.  Ok, this is actually just Isabel's week.  Out of control, I know.  People, I had to highlight where she was going to be, lest she completely forget where she was and where she was going next.  My kids keep asking me where they're to sleep this weekend and I do not even know.  (BOO!  No space)

After this crazy, hectic, busy week that revolves around rehearsals for Sofi, I could feel guilty... but I don't.  She is over the moon about doing this show and it is so beautiful to see a gift that God has placed in her grow and blossom.  I could see that gift and how much it is lighting up her little face and rush out to sign her up for the next round of classes and shows... but I won't.  After this week, we will take a break and enjoy life closer to the "space" end of the continuum for a little while.  And then in a few months, we'll probably go through this cycle all over again.  This is how I find my balance, and I don't know if it's the "right" answer, or if it's just the right answer for me and maybe you have a "right" answer for you.  
What I do know, is that God wants to speak to me and He wants to speak to my children.  And I want nothing more than for us to listen.  So that we can have moments like this... (because seriously, when was the last time you praised God by dancing/singing?)

How do you create space in your schedule?  Do you need more space?  What things can you eliminate or reduce or move to create more space?