Despicable me: a lesson on guilt

Tonight I overheard Sofi talking to an audience made up of some of her favorite plush pals.  They were having a meeting, and Sofi informed them that they had been chosen because they were either oviparous or farm animals, which is apparently what they are studying in kindergarten these days.  For those of you wondering how to pronounce let alone identify an oviparous animal, they are animals that lay eggs (and don't be embarrassed if you aren't smarter than a kindergartener - I had to google the word to find out how it's spelled).  


If you're wondering how this is going to fit into this week's post and our family's faith journey, wonder no more.  It absolutely doesn't fit in.  However, it was a funny story that depicts life in the Guevara household, so I wanted to include it.


On to more spiritual matters...


Lately I've been studying this book called Respectable Sins with a community group.  It's about sins that are considered, well, respectable.  It's a real zinger for those of us who were raised in the church and generally consider ourselves less sinful than "the world."  To be perfectly honest, I hate the book.  Mostly because it makes me feel awful, and I generally like to feel good about myself.  I have nicknamed the book "Despicable Me" which makes Matt laugh.  And I like to make him laugh.  


Back to the book...


You know the saying, "the truth hurts"?  It could be a subtitle for Despicable Me  Respectable Sins.  Let me clarify that just because I hate this book doesn't mean that it's not worth reading.  I have some qualms with some of the author's theology, but I have just enough theological training to make me overly opinionated but under qualified to debate on said theology.  The premise of the book is that we as Christ followers are often proficient at pointing out the more "overt" sins in others, primarily those who aren't as far along as us in our spiritual journey.  However, we often overlook the more subtle or "respectable" sins that are prevalent in our own life; sins which hinder our relationship with God and are no less grievous to His Spirit.  God's Word addresses these sins throughout Scripture and He wants to change and transform us so that these sins no longer hold us back.  The process by which God changes us and molds us into His image often involves a level of discomfort, even pain at times.  Sort of like training for a long distance race.  Michelle Anthony writes in her book Spiritual Parenting (huge fan of this book.  If you are a parent, you should buy it immediately.  And then actually read it) that as parents we often see patterns of "sin" or "misbehaviors" in our kids and these patterns are often a sign that God has a work that He wants to do in their life (summary is mine - she writes it far more eloquently!).  How much more exciting is it to deal with these behaviors from the perspective of God doing a work in their life v. me having to control or manage their behaviors on my own!

This week I was volunteering in Isabel's classroom and I overheard her venting about her BFF.  Despite being BFFs (or maybe as a qualification of being BFFs - girls are silly that way), they fight and make up almost daily.  She didn't say anything horrific or nasty about her friend; it was a brief comment that simply conveyed frustration, but since I had just finished the chapter on "Sins of the Tongue" I was especially tuned in to what Ephesians 4:29 refers to as "unwholesome talk."  The verse states "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  Since it wasn't the time or place for a heart to heart, I gave her my best "mom look" which ended her conversation and I left it at that.  

A couple of days went by before I had some time with her to revisit what I felt God was trying to teach us this week.  I shared with her what I had learned in my study and read to her Ephesians 4:29.  I reminded her how I had recently lashed out at her, saying "you are always crying!"  And I pointed out that the Bible has a word for that - slander.  I had not only used "unwholesome talk" but my exaggeration was actually a lie - obviously I knew she doesn't always cry.  As we worked through the verse, defining new words and applying it to her situation at school, Isabel became very upset.  My sweet and very sensitive child has an extremely low tolerance for guilt.  If she even suspects she's done something less than perfect, she shuts down, curls up into a ball, and refuses to even look at me.  So as she was curled up on my bed, blanket pulled over her head and crying "I don't want to talk about it" I realized that God had more to teach her.  You see, God doesn't point out our sins just so that we can feel terrible about them.  Michelle Anthony has this great quote in her book:  "The end goal for us as parents is to conduct Gods discipline in our children's lives in such a way that they experience healing from their sin."  Yes, God was teaching both of us to honor Him and build others up with our words.  But He was also using this situation to address Isabel's struggle with guilt.  I recited Romans 8:1 to her which says "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Since the concept of "condemnation" isn't regularly studied in 1st grade, she was confused.  This is how I explained it:


  When the Holy Spirit points out your sin, it's like a tap on the shoulder.  He is   
  getting your attention, pointing out your sin.  Once you are aware of your sin, 
  you can confess it to God, who has promised to forgive you.  That "guilty" 
  feeling is the Holy Spirit making us uncomfortable with our sin so we can 
  change and become more like Jesus.  But once our sin is confessed and 
  forgiven, we don't need to feel guilty.  The Holy Spirit doesn't keep tapping 
  you on the shoulder just to make you feel pain.  
  Satan, however, loves to make you feel guilty.  He doesn't want you to be 
  forgiven.  So he keeps tapping you on the shoulder, causing you pain, 
  reminding you of your sin and making you feel guilty.


  But you don't have to listen to him.
     
  When that happens, you can fight back with God's words - remind him that 
  you are forgiven, that God loves you, and that there is no condemnation for 
  you.  


I don't know that my explanation is 100% theologically sound, but it seemed to hit home with Isabel.  For effect, I continually tapped her on the shoulder as I talked about guilt, and while she giggled until the tapping got annoying and slightly painful (at which point I stopped, because I don't condone child abuse during object lessons EVER), she definitely got the idea.  I'd like to think that from here on out she'd never struggle with guilt, but if she does, I am confident that God will continue the work that He began in her.  A work that never fails.  A work that brings healing.  A work that redeems.  


As a parent, I can't know or predict what my children will grow up to do or be.  I can't fully prepare them for a future I can't foresee.  But God knew the course of their lives before they took their first breath, and He is working in them to make them exactly who He created them to be.  Today's work was healing from guilt.  Tomorrow's work, only God knows.  


What is God working on in your life?  In the lives of your children?