A Change in Perspective

Toddlers are exhausting.

They're needy, they're moody, and they're demanding. Anyone who has spent any time with a toddler, let alone raised one, knows it's true. I've always joked that if babies were born acting like toddlers, no one would have more than one; fortunately, by the time our little tykes enter toddlerhood we are already fiercely attached to them. So while we may often be exasperated by their tantrums, we are just as often entranced by their sweet kisses and hilarious vocabularies. 

Which all sounds lovely, but on a tough day, life with a toddler is just exhausting.

I'm currently raising toddler #3, if you only count the toddlers that have been born into our family. I've also spent time parenting a handful of other toddlers, both as a Safe Family and Foster Mom. I consider myself an experienced toddler wrangler. And yet, I still find myself completely overwhelmed and exhausted some days by this willful little person. When my girls were toddlers, I was convinced every rough stage would stretch on forever. I'd face a particularly nasty tantrum and picture them screaming hateful words as teenagers. I'd pick up a floppy wailing body screaming "NO!" and foresee them rebelling against authority for the rest of their lives. I'd intervene when one sister would clobber the other and fret that they would grow up to hate each other. 

Dear Parents of Toddlers: they call it a phase for a reason. It doesn't last. Current behavior doesn't necessarily predict future behavior. Both of my girls were difficult toddlers - there were years that I didn't dare leave the windows open lest the neighbors overhear the screaming and crying and report what was surely the sound of a child being murdered. Neither of my girls are perfect, but today they are generally sweet, responsible, and pleasant to be around. Sure, if you sit back and drink lattes while giving your toddler everything they want, they will probably turn out poorly. But if you choose a parenting strategy, stick to it with some semblance of consistency, and ride out this storm, it will pass. The clouds will break and the sun will come shining through and you will be blessed with a lovely new phase called "preschoolerhood" (yes, that is a word. It refers to the 4-5 yr old phase). You will forget how difficult your child was as a toddler. Until their hormones kick in and you face Toddlerhood Part 2, otherwise known as having a Tween. But don't worry about that yet. 

I'm not going to tell you how to raise your toddler. I've witnessed a myriad of techniques and philosophies that work for different parents and different children. Every child is unique, every parent comes with their own sets of skills and strengths and I think you have to find what works for you and your child. We all know it's important to set limits and enforce them but let's be honest - some days being the Enforcer of Limits is a drag. Some days it really sucks to be the person who rains on the parade and takes away the privileges and sets diapered bottoms in time outs. I was having one of those days last week. My toddler was in rare form and no progress was being made and I was spending all of my time playing Mean Mom. He was crabby, I was crabby, and the crabbiness was getting to us all. 

So as soon as he was having a pleasant (or not horrific) moment, I seized it. I scooped that little stinker sweetie up and took him and his sisters out to play. 

Z pretended to read while his sisters practiced their spelling words as they tossed the soccer ball.

The girls found some worms. Z of course wanted to play with them.

We blew the fuzzy seeds off of dandelions.

I kid you not, this child who had cried all morning, giggled for several minutes, while hugging my neck and yelling "poo-poos!" Boys.

Things were going so well we stayed out for lunch. And recess. 

Which is when the girls taught Z their love of Taylor Swift and how to nae-nae-whip (Which they had learned from T, our little visitor through Safe Families)

Here's the thing: sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of a horrible day. Or a string of horrible days. And we begin to resent the tiny tyrants that are turning us into grumpy enforcers. Sometimes, we just need to roll up our sleeves and get to the work of parenting because it's what our child needs. But other times, we may just need to break up the monotony and have some fun. I forget this far too often - as a homeschool mom who is also raising a toddler while growing a tiny human inside my body, I get caught up in the rhythm and routine of our busy life.  But on this day, I seized an opportune moment and found myself loving the same life that I was overwhelmed by an hour earlier. 

I took these photos because I wanted to look back and remind myself of this day. The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day that became Lovely. And wouldn't you know it, a week later I took a peek in my screaming toddler's mouth and I realized this current phase is being brought to you by the 2 year old molars. Poor kid is in pain, not a future juvenile delinquent. 

Dear Parents of Toddlers: Your hard work will pay off. Remember that as hard as you are working, your toddler is working hard, too (and not just against you). So keep at it, but don't forget to take breaks. Play outside. Cuddle and read books. Make a special snack, or a blanket fort, or a craft. Watch a movie (gasp!) Whatever it takes to relax and enjoy each other's company. 

Dear Parents of Not-Toddlers: The same applies to you. Every phase has its difficulties, and children of all ages can be challenging to parent. I think it's important to take time with each of our children to just enjoy being together. Our older kids need to know that they are adored and cherished just as much as our little ones do. 

We stayed outside for hours that day, me sitting in the shade watching my kids dig and dance and dandelion hunt. And then that oh so difficult but adorable little toddler came up to me and offered me a "President" (which is what he calls a present):

Flowers picked for his mama. Because despite the testing and the tantrums and the attempted tyranny, he is truly a sweet little boy after all. It just took a change of scenery to change my perspective.