Passing It On: Faith is the Foundation

One of those insanely long winter days when the girls were small.
 I told them to play nicely, they dressed themselves and dumped
out their drawers on the floor. 

Motherhood feels like guilt.  Not all of the time, but far too often I feel more guilt than joy at the end of a day spent caring for my children.  This was especially true in my first years as a mom.  At the end of the day, the list - of mistakes, of things I didn’t get to, of moments I didn’t take advantage of - was so long that the nagging and sinking feeling of guilt often overwhelmed me.  There were more things I wanted to accomplish each day with my children than there was time to do those things.  At the time I felt like I was the only one sinking in a sea of mommy guilt.  Surely the other moms had it together.  They didn’t lose their tempers/get sick of holding their babies/forget it was their preschooler’s snack day/wish they could run away and join a convent…or even a circus.  My reality check came as I started to sit down with my students’ parents, and the moms in particular.  As a preschool teacher, I had the privilege of working with not only a class full of 4 and 5 year olds, but their parents, too.  And the feeling that these moms expressed over and over again was guilt.  “I should have taught him his letters.” “I can’t believe I forgot her folder!”  “I don’t know why I can’t get here on time!”  “I am the only parent who would forget their child’s snack day!” (Solidarity, my friend.)   Once I realized I wasn’t alone (or crazy) in my feelings of inferiority, I was able to go a little bit easier on myself.  In time I learned to lower my expectations and shorten my “to do” lists.  While I wanted to sit and read award winning picture books with my toddlers for 10 minutes every day, I learned to settle for reading an Elmo board book 150 times (*could be a slight exaggeration) after nap time.  I tried to be that mom that didn’t allow my kids any TV time before the age of two, but I settled on some educational programming to entertain my little ones so I could sit down or actually shower.  I learned that a little bribery doesn’t hurt, that all kids stop peeing the bed eventually, and that learning to relax myself would create a more relaxed home for everyone.  But the one task I still struggled with finding a healthy balance for was teaching my kids about God.

Seriously, I was so proud of this moment, I documented it.
Clearly my daughter did not share my enthusiasm.  #momfail

I think the fact that I saw it as a task was the biggest problem.  My mom is one of those amazing people that can plan out her day and actually accomplish the things she plans to do.  I remember her reading children’s devotionals out loud to us on a daily basis.  I was so excited when she passed those devotionals on to me, and I did a fantastic job of reading them with my children.  For about a week.  In the back of my mind I had equated “passing on my faith” with “reading my kids Bible stories on a daily basis.” 

When I was pregnant with our first daughter, Matt started a Master’s program in Chidlren’s and Family Ministry.  A few years into his program, he brought home the book Spiritual Parenting by Michelle Anthony and it completely transformed the way we looked at passing on our faith to our kids.  That book, along with other great books and conversations and relationships with families who are passionate about passing on their faith, has helped us to make the "task" of passing on our faith into a lifestyle.  I recently asked Matt what specific things he believed were foundational to passing on our faith to our children.  We put our heads together and come up with a short list of strategies that we believe will help to put our kids on the path to becoming more like Christ.  I’m really excited to share that list with you over the next several weeks and I hope that you can connect with some of those things and use them in your own homes.

But before I start in on strategies, there’s a bit of a prerequisite to passing on your faith.  And that’s having a vibrant faith of your own.  Regardless of where you are on your faith journey – seeker, new believer, long-term Christ follower - your faith needs to be something you are cultivating, living out, growing in.  It’s not about the perfection of your faith or walk with Christ, it’s about the progress.  And more importantly, it’s about whether or not your own faith is a priority.  I’m not talking about how much time you spend reading the Bible, or how many verses you have memorized, or whether or not you measure your prayer times in seconds or minutes or hours. 

Ask yourself: what is my anchor?  What steadies me when my world is spinning out of control?  What brings me peace in the chaos?  What gives me joy in all circumstances?  What brings me back when I begin to wander, from my calling, from my purpose, from that place where I belong?  Because you can read and memorize and pray all day long but if your answer to those questions isn’t Jesus, your faith passed on to your children isn’t going to go very far.  Hebrews 11:1 (MSG) says that:

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living.  It’s our handle on what we can’t see. 

The fundamental fact.  Back to basics, this is what it all boils down to.  This TRUST IN GOD is your faith.  And your faith is your foundation.  Remember that song about the foolish man building his house upon the sand and the wise man building his house upon the rock?  If your foundation is weak, anything you try to build on that foundation will be weak.  The NIV version of this verse says that:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Certainly time in God’s Word and moments spent in conversation with Him will fortify that trust, that hope.  But where I once looked at that time in God’s Word as another task, a chunk of time that I should set aside to read verses and chapters, I now see as a continual process of reflecting on what I have read in moments where I feel that anchor pulling taught.  I feel overwhelmed, and I recall Matthew 11:30

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light

And the Holy Spirit prompts me to realize I am trying to do this in my own strength when I am called to walk in God’s strength.  So I whisper a prayer, unburden my heart, and keep going.

Other days my thoughts or feelings fill my mind so fully that I am unable to draw from memory the Words I need to hear.  So I open my Bible (which typically means I open my Bible app, on my phone, which is almost always within reach) and because God’s Word is living and active, I find Words to strengthen and renew. 

Some days I got LOTS of practice

Several years ago when my girls were both toddlers, I found myself in this vicious cycle where their behavior would overwhelm me, and then I would get angry, and then I would lose my temper, and then I would feel guilty.  The more I tried to break the cycle, the more I would fail and the guiltier I’d feel.  So one day, I set aside my list of failing strategies and asked God to help me, in the middle of this repeating cycle, to remember to ask for His help.  It was such a simple thing it was almost ridiculous. But it was the first step to breaking the cycle.  The first time I was prompted to pray in the middle of a toddler/mommy showdown it felt completely unnatural.  I was frustrated and angry and I didn’t want to let it go.  But I did, and over time it got easier until eventually it felt natural.  Which didn’t mean I stopped losing my temper instantly and without fail, but it meant that I learned to let that anchor keep me from losing myself in a cycle that once felt like it defined me. 

I don’t do these things perfectly.  I don’t always do them consistently.  Sometimes when I should open my Bible I open my laptop.  Sometimes when I should ask for God’s wisdom I act impulsively instead.  My faith isn’t about how perfectly I respond in every situation.  My mistakes aren’t as strong as my anchor.  They don’t destroy my foundation. 

As parents, our greatest calling is to pass on our faith, even as each day, parenthood relentlessly tests our faith.  It seems ironic, trying to pass on

My own struggle with guilt helps me
teach my perfection-loving daughter
what God says about mistakes

something that we are being tested in and struggle with.  Which leads me to this thought: maybe the actual calling of parenthood is to simply live through those tests and struggles in a way that points our children to Christ.  Maybe faith passed on isn’t like an Olympic torch, lit and burning brightly, then seamlessly handed off.  Maybe faith passed on is more like traditions, woven into the life of a family through stories and simple acts and imperfect memories made and cherished. 

Faith.  Firm foundation.  Handle on what we can’t see.  Sure of what we hope for.   

This week, think about these phrases.  Read the chapter (Hebrews 11) that they are found in.  Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal how He wants to strengthen your faith.